Our Response to The Letter: My #Husband and His Family Tried to #Kill Me!
The 50 Million Missing Campaign receives many emails from Indian women sharing their problems and asking for advice. Two days ago we received a letter from a young woman, which we found very distressing. The story in this letter is not uncommon and we’ve heard it repeating in too many homes in India. This is why we are publishing this letter (with names and details concealed) with our advice to this young woman and to all women in this situation. Please listen to our advice!
Below is the letter we received from this young woman:
I don’t know what to say. Right now I am seriously very upset and I am not able to think what to do. What decision should I take now? Today my brother-in-law and his wife both have tried to kill me and my husband has also helped them. They have been continuously torturing me after my marriage. My marriage happened on _/_/2012. I don’t have idea that when I would be murdered. I don’t have any body in my family who can help me. My father is no more and my mother is not well. I have two younger brothers. They have got frustrated after seeing the result of my marriage. I’m afraid of them that they will take decision to never marry anyone in their life. I never want divorce because after that my life will be nothing. But what to do now? My father-in-law today he assured me, that it will never happened again in future. Should I trust him and give a chance to my marriage? He also promised me that he will shift me in another house with my husband and he will be also with us. In fact I requested him to be with us. Please advise.
This is our advice to this young woman and to all women in this situation:
Your husband and in-laws ganged up to murder you! This is a serious crime under the law for it is a pre-meditated crime. If these were strangers or neighbors, would you trust those people again? Would you go into their houses if they invited you? You would not. Because you would not trust them with your life. So why would you gamble your safety and life with your husband and in-laws? Your husband and in-laws are criminals under the law. They should be in prison with other criminals. Would you be willing to trust a man in prison who has attempted to murder someone? However hard the situation in your mother’s house is, it is your best option right now. Your life and your safety is more important than your marriage. A home and a marriage are supposed to provide safety and comfort. But a house and marriage where you are abused and where attempts are made to kill you, is not a home and those people are not your family. This place is worse than hell. You worry about the impact on your younger brothers. But by staying in this house and marriage, you are teaching them something worse. You are telling your younger brothers, that they too can abuse and try to kill their wives. By walking out, you will teach your brothers that they cannot treat their wives or any human being this way. You will teach them that this is criminal behavior and you don’t want your brothers to grow up to be criminals like your husband and in-laws. We advise to do 5 things immediately:
1) Make safety and the protection of your life your number 1 priority
2) Pack a few important things and leave your husband’s house quietly and quickly, without telling anyone, and go to your mother’s house.
3) You will be under pressure from your relatives, neighbors etc. to return to your husband’s house. Do not TALK to or listen to anyone.
4) Your husband and in-laws will try to get you to return because they will not want you to file a police report. Do not Talk or Listen to them. Do not have any contact with them.
4) File an FIR (police report) against your husband and in-laws immediately, naming them all, and registering all the details, with the date, time etc. of the attempted murder and the torture that preceded it.
5) Stabilize your life, find comfort and love from your mother and brothers, and when you are strong enough file for a divorce.