Dangerous Relations: Recognize The Signs and Symptoms
THIS POST IS TO INFORM ALL WOMEN HOW TO RECOGNIZE THE SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS OF BEING IN A VIOLENT/ ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP.
One of the biggest problems with ‘domestic violence’ in India is that women are often pressured by their families, relatives and friends to learn to tolerate violence and live with it.
Abused women hear things like: “This happens in all homes.” “You are a woman, you must learn to adjust.” “If you leave you will bring shame on your parents. Think about your children, don’t be selfish.”
It is a dangerous precedence because this social conditioning makes Indian women immune to the fact that their lives are in danger. At least 1 woman is killed in India every 20 minutes. Recent studies show that in Indian homes where women endure violence, there is a 21-50% chance that their daughters (not sons!) under the age of 6 years, will also be killed due violence inflicted on them . What makes domestic violence even more lethal for women in India, is that unlike other countries, in India the violence is ‘gang violence.’ Women are beaten and abused not just by their husbands but by their in-laws as well.
IF YOU EXPERIENCE ANY OR ALL OF THE SIGNS AND SYMPTOMS MENTIONED BELOW THEN PLEASE KNOW THAT YOU ARE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP. IF YOU EXPERIENCE ANYTHING WRITTEN IN GREEN THEN YOU MUST LEAVE THE HOUSE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. QUIETLY MAKE AN ARRANGEMENT FOR A TEMPORARY STAY, AND LEAVE WITHOUT TELLING. IF YOU EXPERIENCE ANYTHING THAT’S WRITTEN IN RED, THEN YOU NEED TO LEAVE IMMEDIATELY, FOR YOUR LIFE IS IN DANGER. DON’T WAIT, LEAVE THAT DAY! YOUR LIFE MATTERS MORE THAN YOUR MARRIAGE. PLEASE SAVE YOURSELF.
The following are signs of abusive/violent behavior whether you experience them from your partner or in-laws.
1. humiliates you
2. shouts at you constantly
3. criticizes you
4. puts you down no matter what you do or don’t do
5. calls you derogatory names like ‘bitch,’ ‘whore’ etc.
6. says you are so worthless or disgusting that he doesn’t want to look at you or talk to you;
7. blames you for his abuse of you
8. ignores or ridicules your talents and accomplishments
9. isolates you from your friends and family by not allowing you to contact them or controls how and when you can meet or talk to them
10. monitors your phone conversations
11. decides who you can and who you cannot socialize with
12. accuses you of having affairs
13. tells you that men are flirting with you because you are behaving indecently
14. you need his permission for any work/ project you do inside/outside the house
15. controls the money that you spend by denying it when you ask for or deciding how much you can spend and you can and cannot spend on
16. controls your career
17. constantly calls you at work to check on you
18. takes all your earnings and controls its spending
19. threatens to harm/ kill you, your children or family
20. destroys your personal things – like clothes or gifts from friends/family
21. denies you basic things sometimes like food, or medicine
22. throws things and objects at you
23. pushes, grabs at or shoves you
24. slaps you
25. kicks, bites or punches you with his fists
26. hits you with things – like belt, stick, etc.
27. beats you incessantly without stopping till you feel too weak and bruised to even resist
28. chokes you or tries to strangle you
29. has pointed a weapon at you like a gun or a knife and threatened to kill you
30. has attacked you with a weapon of any sort violently
Symptoms of Being In An Abusive and Violent Relationship:
Check your own behavior for symptoms of abuse. If you recognize any or all of these symptoms in yourself, then you are in an abusive/ violent relationship. Your life may also be in danger. It is very important that you get out of this house/relationship as soon as possible.
1. Do you feel anxious all the time about your partner/ husband losing his temper?
2. Do you consciously try to hide things or avoid certain things because you are afraid they will make him angry and violent?
3. Do you often feel clumsy and useless, and feel that you can never do anything well enough to please him?
4. Do you sometimes feel that it is you who is blame for your partner losing his temper?
5. Do you sometimes feel confused and messed up, and feel like you are losing your mind?
6. Do you sometimes feel totally numb – like you can’t feel or understand anything?
7. Do you miss appointments often or have many absences from work?
8. Do you try to avoid old friends, and make excuses for not keeping in touch?
9. Do you feel ashamed that other people/friends might find out about your situation and you try to hide it or take the blame on yourself?
10. Do you feel low all the time? Do you feel you have lost interest in activities you once enjoyed? Do you feel like crying all the time?
11. Do you have thoughts of committing suicide or killing your husband or in-laws?
ABOUT THE PHOTOGRAPHER
Udit Kulshrestha is a member of The 50 Million Missing Campaign’s Photographers’ Group which is supported by more than 2300 photographers. To see more of his works click here