Dowry
In its fight against female genocide in India, the 50MM has marked the practice of DOWRY as its STRATEGIC TARGET. You can join the “War on Dowry” movement on facebook (click here)
What is driving the female genocide in India? What is the linking factor that is causing the systematic and targeted annihilation of women through feticide, infanticide and dowry murders. This is the question that we at the campaign have been asking.
After 3 years of observations, research, surveys, cases, discussions, and analysis, the conclusion we have reached is that none of the following is a factor in India’s female genocide : economics, education, class, caste, religion, and community. It involves the educated and wealthy, as well as the poor and uneducated, a conclusion also reached in a recent High Court verdict. In an infanticide case the Court concluded with this statement, “60 years of independence and so-called modernization has not changed the societal attitude towards the female child. Across the board; rural or urban, educated and uneducated, rich and poor, the skewed sex ratio adverse to the female child is a sad mirror image of the social thinking even in the 21st Century.”
So what is driving the female genocide in India?
The answer: A vulgar, chronic, and criminal GREED for dowry.
Dowry in India today has become the no.1 method of criminal extortion through the infliction of blackmail, torture, violence, and murder of women.
Every son born into a family is greedily viewed as the ‘golden goose’ who will bring in the fantasized wealth through the dowry they will demand when he gets married. So families want more and more sons. There is no end to the wealth demand even after marriage, and if the woman is killed, the son can marry again. For another dowry! Why kill, why not just divorce? In the case of divorce, there is always the chance that the woman or her family will demand their dowry money/ items back.
The families that are consumed with hoarding dowry, are the same ones that also do not want to pay dowry to other families. Hence, not only do they torment and kill women who marry into their families, but they destroy daughters in their own families through selective female feticide, infanticide and the killing of toddlers through starvation and deliberate neglect.
Dowry – the practice of easy wealth acquisition is spreading like wild-fire in India. Communities, regions and religions that never traditionally practiced dowry, have now jumped on the band-wagon. Along with this there is an uncontrolled increase in the murder of women and girl infants and an exponential increase in female feticide.
As of yet the system of law and order in India has shown little inclination towards bringing this situation under control. It is riddled with corruption and incompetence, and many in the government offices, police and medical establishment themselves indulge in dowry and female feticide. The possibility for change through the official channels therefore is bleak.
What then would be the most realistic and doable method at the grassroots level that would guarantee a visible impact for change in the shortest possible time. When we are talking about human lives, time is of the essence!
The 50 MM’s strategy is to target the custom of dowry, specifically addressing girls, women and the families with daughters. (Extortionists have no conscience. So we don’t think it is any use negotiating with them.)
In our ‘WAR ON DOWRY’ the following messages will be the focus of our PUBLIC projects:
- A man who needs his in-laws to fund his family incessantly is not fit for marriage.
- It is foolish to pay dowry to a family that is torturing your daughter and could ultimately kill her.
- It is wiser to spend that money on enabling your daughter to be secure and independent through education and or her own business.
- Your daughter’s life and safety is more important than her marriage. Parents must make that their prerogative.
- Treat the first dowry demand, before or after marriage as a death threat and either don’t marry your daughter into that family or get her out immediately. Don’t every send her back. In most cases that is when the girls get killed.
- A family that extorts for dowry is lowly, criminal, and perverse. Why would you want your daughter to marry into that family? Would you feel proud being related to people like that?
- In a country where there are 50 million more men than women – it is the woman’s prerogative to choose a good groom. Women and their families MUST recognize that the choice is theirs! They must choose wisely.
JOIN US IN THE WAR ON DOWRY HERE ON FACEBOOK
“It is wise to spend money on enabling a daughter to be secure and independent through education or her own business…” –
a big YES from Germany, from a father of two daughters: banker + architect …
True, I too have the same opinion.
Please stop this discrimination. I am from a family of two daughters and we both take care of our parents financially and personally. It doesnt matter which gender your child is. Proper development as a good human being is important. Why do the young men in India still accept dowry.
The dowry system has created so much death and suffering for women in India. I think that one should support women, human values and the desire for a better future for women by NOT ATTENDING any wedding where a dowry is offered by the bride/bride’s familly.
well written article but I think it is the attitude and tradition which we have to change
Thank you Meeta. That is the idea of this campaign — to change the social attitude by challenging it. People do know it is wrong. They reason they persist is because there is a social permissiveness. Everyone does it — so it’s ok. But we have start saying that — it is not ok. That it is criminal!
Let’s join hands for a worry free world!
it’s a great campaign and I hope, some governments will hear about your efforts;
beside all the sad news from INDIA, on the one hand:
thanks for sharing so many wonderful photos from INDIA on the other hand!
greetings by
http://denkuebungen.wordpress.com
my bilingual think-training …
I am from Pakistan and believe me this trend continues here and is penetrating the communities that had never practised this shameless custom ever before..however many dramas and talkshows are addressing this issue, directly or indirectly..many are doing the exact opposite.. many educated boys are now standing up against their families and refusing to accept dowry from their in-laws..
India has bollywood, India has Amitabh Bachan, India has Shahrukh Khan..Why cannot they be a part of your campaign? If average Pakistani soaps can potray the handsome protagonist as not taking dowry, Bollywood can do wonders…I am not married as yet but I vow that when I do get married, it will be to a nice guy who is dignified enough to sleep on a bed bought by himself and not by my father!!
@Anadil — We absolutely agree. A man who needs his father-in-law to fund his married life is not yet fit for marriage!!! The current trend of t.v. shows unfortunately have been doing just the opposite! Shows like “Balika Badhu” etc. are glorifying child marriage and their ratings are very high. When shows try to combat issues like dowry and child marriage, their ratings drop — so the producers don’t want to address these issues. But the government despite its laws has not intervened.
1. Women look at marriage proposals from men who don’t want dowry. After marriage stay strong on not feeling pressured by their silent “expectations” of gifts (dowry)! 2. Make sure you save some money for an emergency situation. 3. Make sure you always keep company of your own family and close friends. Careful of people who will tell them things you say. 4. Educate yourself and get work experience for at least two years before marriage. You will have confidence and faith in yourself to tackle any situation in life. 5. Make wedding an opportunity to show your skills and pride: using your own savings for important purchases, organizing it together with him/ Mr. Right. I believe if two people can survive organizing a wedding, and make peace on so many issues involved, respect and spend on each others’ choices; then in-laws, kids, schools, etc. will be no problem ever! 6. When you walk out of a confirmed bad situation, never look back. It is still great to respect them from a distance (especially if there are kids involved) but you must trust your intuition (not fears!). 7. Believe that when one door closes, another will open right when you least expect it. You can make a good choice no matter what others will say or do.
GIRLS NEED TO EDUCATE THEMSELVES IN TRUE SENSE AND RECOGNISE THEIR OWN WORTH…RATHER THAN TO DEPEND ON OTHERS AND TAKE THE SITUATIONS AS THEY COME TO THEM
MUGDHA OJHA
good luck to you…
http://flickrcomments.wordpress.com/2011/10/19/history-of-womens-lib/
Hi,am from India. In my opinion when the dowry tradition will be remove from the marriage system than dowry deaths will stop, but in legally we have more laws like women and law,dowry prohibition act,in India but they are not strictly implemented. So dowry word came from tradition we want to fight on dowry tradition.. for this awareness is more important.
i supported this campaign..
dowry is the Auschwitz of this century!
It’s true. Dowry killing is like the Holocaust. The Holocaust was well planned and intentionally done and so is dowry killing. This should be referred to as the Indian Holocaust. Then maybe you will get more attention from Western media which could put international pressure on the Indian Government to act responsibly.
@Loretta — That is why we are using the term ‘Genocide’ instead of terms like ‘sex ratio’ or ‘gender ratio’ which the media both in the west and in India prefer. Terms like sex ratio further dehumanize this disaster. In fact there was a western newspaper report recently that said something like, “Of recent there has been a shortage of women in India!” Campaign director, Rita Banerji, has strongly objected to this perspective, and has pointed out how in interviews, sometimes even western journalists ask her questions like, “If women had jobs would there be less incentive for their husbands and in-laws to kill them for dowry.” Rita says, that this kind of a question would never be asked by western journalists of domestic violence victims in the west. So why is it that they ask that of women who are victims of dowry murders in India?
i found evidence that this is not about religion. the taratory of Ladakh in Indian Kashmir is 50% Buddhist and also has a major problem with elimination of girls. The demographics of Ladakh prove this. in 1951 the sex ratio was 1011 females per 1000 males. in 2001 it was 805 females per 1000 males.
source
http://www.abodehimalaya.com/trip.php?country=Ladakh&cat=Demographics-in-Ladakh
@emery — You are right. This is no longer limited to Hindus in India. Over the last 15-20 years, the practice of dowry has spread to all other religions and communities and along with it communities that never had female infanticide earlier now are seeing an increase in both infanticides, female feticides and indeed dowry murders! This includes matrilineal communities in Kerala, and the north-east, as well as Muslim, Christians, and even tribal communities.
i found evidence that this is not about religion. the taratory of Ladakh in Indian Kashmir is 50% Buddhist and also has a major problem with elimination of girls. The demographics of Ladakh prove this. in 1951 the sex ratio was 1011 females per 1000 males. in 2001 it was 805 females per 1000 males. As a Buddhist myself I’m varry worried about this trend. So clearly every Religion in India has blood on its hands in this area. Now people can stop saying this is a campaign is against Hindus or Muslims or whatever religious group you happen to belong to. I had the integrity to point out my relgion’s role in this problem first. if anyone has a more details about this please post the information. clearly in every relgion there are also people trying to make a difference as well.
source
http://www.abodehimalaya.com/trip.php?country=Ladakh&cat=Demographics-in-Ladakh
we hate dowry system ……..gone are d days when girls were silently suffering torture from their in-laws for dowry…….because todays parents have made their daughters …quiet capable of standing on their own feet………so no question of mental harassment…by the inlaws……….and difference should not be made between a boy and a girl……..because a girl can also—like a boy manage her own self……………
For heaven’s sake DON’T GET MARRIED into a greedy, abusive, manipulative family! If enough women agree to matrimonially boycott anyone who squeaks about dowry, the custom could end today!
The problem is that women consider marriage a fundamental right. Newsflash! Marriage is not your birthright! Develop the ability to care for yourself (and your parents) economically and shun the men till they grow up! DO NOT compromise on this, being single is not the end of the world.
swati i couldn’t agree with you more and on top of that hears another newsflash for the Indian women living aboard You DON’T necessarily have to marry an Indian man! dowry is becoming a problem in the Indian community in the west too. but for those of you in the west you can avoid the whole mess by looking for partners beyond the boundaries of your closed society. most westerners don’t know dowry from a hole in the ground. more and more westerners are developing an interest in Indian culture every day so don’t worry about not being accepted by most westerners. as for your own community if they insist on acting like neanderthals then I for one say the hell with them! maybe if enough of you did this it would get the Indian men in the west to act right.
Dowry should be given by the man, to prove that he is capable of supporting a family.
Men who demand dowry from the girl are not ‘men’, they are sissy eunuchs.
Anas there is a similar practice in the middle east to what your talking about. I don’t know exactly what its called but i do know the effects of it are devastating. they include women and girls being sold like cattle to men with money and men without money becoming terrorists in a desperate attempt to save up enough money to buy a wife. so while your idea sounds good it will only cause as many problems as it solves. the only real solution is for the whole dowry system to be destroyed and the sooner the better.
Surely there is world full of eligible men …Indian women could look further than their own country for a partner ?
That’s an idea. Wonder what the men would do if we removed all the women. Their are women sex-trafficked as brides from one part of India to another, and there are women being trafficked for this from across the borders too, like from Nepal and Bangladesh. Check out this post on ‘Bride trafficking’
Dowry one of the most henious crime of India. Girls get awaken not be silent, not crucified ur self in name of Prestige n Pride. Put them such greedy people in the Jail. Boys should take a pledge they never take dowry n stop such thing in their surrounding then definitely it solved otherwise it always a issue to discuss.
“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no
one thinks of changing himself.”
― Leo Tolstoy
Many womens and their family suffering due to dowry. Dowry should be removed from marriage.
To place an order to remove the dowry.
I’m a woman from the” West” & I wasn’t really sure what a dowry was. I’m so sorry this is happening to Anyone. I was directed here after reading about the poor girl that was gang raped & have been reading up on this ever since I heard about it. I wish you all the best luck in succeeding in getting the dowry to be illegal & stopped & for better laws & swift action by the police when complaints are reported. I have signed all the petitions I can find relating to this. I hope & pray everyday that this horror will be stopped. Stay strong & don’t give up the fight!
Even if young men don’t want to accept dowry they yield in to social pressure.In our society, more the dowry the greater the respect you earn from the societal point of view. Mostly elders in the family put pressure. Even the otherwise law abiding people do not fear of stern dowry laws and openly exchange gifts in the name of pompous shagun ceremonies without fear as they have never seen law to be enforced before the bride is killed. Groom’s family often put pressure on bride’s family for such ceremonies. Girls’ parents too come under huge pressure of gatherings that they often give gifts and cash (read dowry) to the extent which is out of their pocket. I wonder why not raids are done at this juncture so that the menace is nipped in the bud.
In view of my above comment I think we need a campaign to abolish such ceremonies which encourage gender bias and the persons involved should be caught red handed while taking dowry in the name of gifts by raiding such premises, in order to deter others from doing so. It is strange why otherwise law abiding people don’t take dowry laws seriously! I have seen even the educated people think it is their right to get gifts from bride’s family. Gifts for accomplishing what, I fail to understand.
As a student in the West studying Gender in Development, I am especially interested in the structural causes of female subordination. From conversations I have had with both men and women in Delhi, it seems that whilst the dowry is heavily frowned upon, it is still enjoyed. For example- listening to a conversation between a journalist and a woman looking after her dehydrated child in a hospital ward I learnt that the young mother was proud of the dowry her family had been able to bring. She boasted of the new cars she had brought to the family, the jewelry and cash. I sat there wondering how dowry could be so glamorous for some, whilst a death wish for others… Perhaps some people don’t take dowry laws so seriously, because they don’t see it as a harmful crime. It must be especially difficult to pursue the war against dowry if some social groupings in such a vast society see only benefits, whilst other, poorer groupings struggle to keep up with payments and unreasonable demands…
You are right Josie. One of the biggest problems is that socially and culturally misogyny is not just inflicted on women, but they are conditioned as little girls to internalize it. You might check out this post Culture Worship by Indian feminists is killing Indian women.
Such a sad and horrible practice! As a mother of an 8yr old girl, it makes me sick to think what happens to other girls her age in India… If they manage to make it to that age. I can’t wrap my head around the sheer level of lateral violence that goes on in Indian culture. Do the women in-laws not remember what it was like for them? That they think it’s okay and acceptable to inflict such torments on other women? Are they proud to have a greedy murderer for a son? Marriage should be about love, not money! My heart goes out to all who are affected. I wish you well and to have the strength to fight this terrible system. Don’t give up hope, the world is watching.
I am a 27 years old woman with a 498a and 406 case running in the court of law. After my marriage, I was told that my in-laws and husband didn’t want a working wife. I scarified my education and career for the wellbeing of a family life. Eventually, my in-laws and my US return husband started torturing me so that I should ask my father (who is a retired army personal, retired in 2000) to repay the 16 lacs of loan taken by my husband for his education in the US. When I didn’t agree to this my in-laws and husband put my jewelry on mortgage without my permission and never gave those back to me. All the paper work are present in the Banks to prove that they had taken the jewelry loan. The gold jewelry costs 7 lacs. For a retired army personal belonging to the middle class its quite a huge amount. When I asked for the jewlry my hand was broken. I was not allowed to talk to my parents. I didn’t have a phone. My plaster was removed early than prescribed by doctor so that I could do the house hold stuff. My hand has thus ben deformed permanently.
When you say that by putting a case of 498a, brides try to harass in-laws and husbands, let me tell you what happened to me. The officials who was supposed to do an investigation, SUPPORTED MY IN-LAWS completely. During the seizer day, my maternal uncle-in-law pulled me out of the house, pulled me by the broken hand, INFRONT OF THE POLICE, and no one came to help. Despite making a mention of all the jewlry in the FIR, the only things I was given in the name of stridhan were a couple of sarees and petticoats and blouse. Of course, the expensive sarees were not given (may be my mother-in-law is saving it for her next daughter-in-law. )
My husband’s bail has been rejected and he should ideally be behind bars, but he is enjoying his wrok in a Noida based IT company. The police being aware of his whereabouts are not arresting him. His parents visit him often and are sightseeing around Delhi. And the IO calls my father and me at regular interval to know about the where about of my husband. Despite he having all the knowledge, he really didn’t do anything. Me and my family is being humiliated, harassed, and of course, my father’s honestly earned money has gone for a toss, including my education and career. All the proofs are there but there is no one willing to listen or assist. NOW TELL ME…whom should I cry out for help?